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Talon Staff Superlatives

Have you ever been scrolling through your Schoology home feed and seen a new update from CBTalon.com rather than the regular daily bulletin or reminder to stay in dress code? Maybe you read the short intro to the article or you click on the fun pictures. Or you just scroll right past it (the worst […]

Have you ever been scrolling through your Schoology home feed and seen a new update from CBTalon.com rather than the regular daily bulletin or reminder to stay in dress code? Maybe you read the short intro to the article or you click on the fun pictures. Or you just scroll right past it (the worst choice). 

However you respond to these colorful updates, I bet you don’t know much about the beautiful minds behind every article: the hilarious, sarcastic, loud, and energetic personalities hard at work every G set in the Talon Newsroom (aka Room 407 aka The Grind House) that make up the Talon Staff Writers. 

So I’ve taken it upon myself to give our audience a peek into the tight-knit community of the Grind House and shed some light onto the personalities of our whole staff by giving every Staff Writer a 100% accurate “superlative”. Is there a better way to fully understand someone than by a single trait assigned to them against their will by a classmate who knows them somewhat well? No! 

Let’s start off on a positive note:

Lindsay Shimizu: Most Likely To Cry in Class

DISCLAIMER: She encouraged me to put this. I love Lindsay — this is all with good intent. I’ve gotten to know her well this year, and I love how she isn’t afraid to be herself, which sometimes involves many tears. She started listing off how many teachers she’s cried in front of at CB and it was a lot. Lindsay has cried in front of thirteen teachers, and her time at CB isn’t over!

Amelia Figueroa: Most Seasoned Journalist

Amelia has been in this game a long time, the longest out of our current class right now. By the end of the year, she’ll have been writing for CBTalon.com for two whole years, and in that time, she’ll have put out countless bangers. Amelia has served as a great example for us newbies as we learned the ropes of amazing journalism. 

Alexxa Riley: Most Soothing Voice

During this past semester, Alexxa has made several bomb podcasts. The subject of each podcast combined with her immaculate voice make every episode a delight to hear. She has covered the psychology behind music and made a Halloween special that dives into CB scary stories. I especially recommend the Halloween podcast because she has an amazing guest (the guest is me). 

Jolie Utter: Hardest To Define 

I had two ideas to put down for Jolie but scrapped them both because, despite both being true, neither could do her justice. Jolie plays tennis, works hard in the classroom, does Moot Court, grinds every G set, and is quite hilarious. I’ve known her since the beginning of last school year and she amazes me. I asked Jolie what to put and she drew a blank. Even Jolie can’t define herself — she said “who even am I?” And honestly that is a question I too cannot answer, but I will say she is super dope.

Mara Plazibat: Most Croatian

Even though her name doesn’t end in the classic Croatian “IĆ” or “ICH” sound, Mara makes sure you know she’s Croatian. Maybe it’s just because the World Cup is happening right now or because she went there this summer, but she talks about the country at least once every class period. While writing this I had to pause my music and listen as she started defending Croatia and Croatians to our teacher and peers. Then she continued to tell me to root against the Serbian soccer team.

Harper Johnson: Best Volleyball Player

Harper is a great volleyball player and what helps is that she is super tall. Harper played Varsity this year, and thanks to her skills and the other talented ladies, they made it to the section finals. Harper doesn’t like to brag about her volleyball fame, but she should. She also plays beach volleyball over the summer for fun and to keep her skills sharp for the upcoming season. 

Erin Jamison: Most Likely to Work for Buzzfeed 

Erin’s last two articles were heavily influenced by common Buzzfeed tropes. She had a quiz that tells the reader what CB teacher they are and also had a piece where she ranked CB classrooms. I have to say Erin did these articles better than Buzzfeed ever could, and you need to check them out after finishing this masterpiece. 

Ashley Rodriguez: Biggest Swiftie 

Ashley is a HUGE Taylor Swift fan and has been a fan for the majority of her life. As a loyal fan, Ashley has turned countless casual Swift listeners into huge Swifties, myself included. She is subtle about her love for Swift but is quite literally obsessed. (If you want to know more about CB Swifties, and I know you do, read my last article, which Ashley divinely inspired.)

Caroline Kramer: Most Likely To Be A Cowgirl

Despite living in East Sacramento, Caroline loves all things Country. She can be seen sporting boot cut jeans and jamming out to country music quite often. Caroline loves to ride horses and told me she is learning how to barrel race. If you are like me and oblivious to what barrel racing is, it’s riding a horse very fast around barrels. 

Tanner Meade: Most Likely To Distract Us All

Every G set, we all hit the grind and get some work done. Unless Tanner is sitting next to you. He is very chatty and will prevent you from doing anything, maybe for the whole set. Love him or hate him, he knows how to distract. In distracting everyone else, Tanner also procrastinates on doing his own work, but when under pressure, Tanner pushes out some delightful articles

Elizabeth Ledesma: Most Committed

Elizabeth is a star in the newsroom and on the soccer field. As a major player for our Varsity Women’s Soccer team for years now, she has landed herself a D-I commitment to play soccer at Sacramento State University #stingersup. Elizabeth is committed both to the field and to our newspaper — one of her articles combines her two commitments and is a great read about the World Cup. 

Josiah Foster: Most Likely To Be Dinger’s Apprentice 

If you aren’t familiar with Dinger the river cat, he is the renowned mascot for the Sacramento River Cats baseball team. Dinger brings joy to all Sacramento baseball fans and he couldn’t do it without his wonderful Cat Crew. Josiah is a member of this crew, and as such. he helps manage fans at games, keeps the morale up sky high at games. He even wrangles the king himself, Dinger.

Rune Long: Most Clever

I cannot wait for Rune’s new articles to hit cbtalon.com. He takes such interesting topics and turns them into captivating stories full of wit. When CB was facing drastically high heat and no AC, I just complained, but Rune turned our troubles into a story about our temperature tribulations. His creativity and witty jokes even made me interested in reading about stairs.

Alvion Robinson: Most Quiet, Yet Hilarious

Alvion is a man of few words — at least in class. But he’s quite funny. When we were ordering our drippy Talon crewnecks, he ordered two. One was personalized with his name and the other was personalized with DaBaby. I wondered what does this guy need with a DaBaby sweatshirt? What is he going to do with said DaBaby sweatshirt? These questions still haunt me, months later. By silently sitting back and not answering my questions, Alvion has dragged this silly prank out long enough!

Geneva Tovar: Most Likely To Be A STEM Superstar

Geneva loves to code and is taking computer science here at CB, helping start CB’s first ever coding club. But not just any lame old coding club — a Girls Who Code Club. Geneva and the other leaders have helped make coding more accessible to the young girls here on our campus. 

Ella Fodor: Most Likely To Solve the World’s Problems

This may seem like a big ask to bestow upon a seventeen year old, but I believe in Ella. She has been a part of CB’s Model United Nations for a couple years now, so she’s pretty much a world leader already. She of course knows the inner workings of international relations like the back of her hand. Ella also is one of the leaders of the Young Progressives Club. I don’t think anyone could be more equipped to fight the tough battles that plague our world.

Mike Campbell: Most Likely To Befriend A Security Guard

You could say Mike and one of our security guard Robert are best friends already. Mike went on a ride-along with Robert to better understand the ins and outs of guarding our beloved campus. Most people just know the security guards as friendly faces directing traffic or guarding football games, but Mike got to know them and detailed the inter workings of their jobs in a great article.

Kathleen Kuzmich: Most Likely To Write About Herself In The Third Person

I don’t know her that well, but from what I gather, she’s pretty great. Kathleen is always grinding and always cracking a quick joke. Jokes that even rival the infamous DaBaby sweatshirt. All I’ll say is, be on the lookout for her new articles because I hear they’re always super funny and insightful.

I started this article thinking it would be a quick, fun brain break. I, of course, wasn’t trying to avoid hard work, but simply lighten my foot off the grinding gas pedal a bit. I couldn’t have been more wrong because it is actually kind of difficult to categorize eighteen kids’ essences into a single superlative, but I tried. I at least hope I maybe made you let out a chuckle, that no one is mad at me, and I don’t get sued for defamation later this year.

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