Falcon Sports
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Freddie The Falcon’s Funk

Freddie the Falcon. Who even knows that much about him?  “I don’t know. He’s pretty cool though,” Taylor Pagano (‘24) observed after witnessing Freddie’s stunts at our rally for the biggest game of the season. “Like, he can ride a unicycle.” Over the roaring cheers at Holy Bowl, prospective CB student Griffin York yells, “Absolutely […]

(photo courtesy of Kelly Yu ‘23)

Freddie the Falcon. Who even knows that much about him? 

“I don’t know. He’s pretty cool though,” Taylor Pagano (‘24) observed after witnessing Freddie’s stunts at our rally for the biggest game of the season. “Like, he can ride a unicycle.”

Over the roaring cheers at Holy Bowl, prospective CB student Griffin York yells, “Absolutely nothing!”

Olivia Yee (‘24) pauses and realizes she can’t give me any information. “Oh, I don’t know anything about him. He’s a very mysterious man.”

“Is that the mascot?” Nathan Carrasco (‘24) questions with a quizzical look on his face.

“I know that Freddie’s identity is a secret.” Gracie Ramondini (‘24) starts, offering the first piece of real information I have extracted from anyone. “It’s not CB without Freddie.”

So why does no one know anything about Freddie, the physical embodiment of our school spirit? Why does he only show up to a few football games a year and then disappear until the fall season comes again? Seems pretty flighty to me. And how is his name even spelled — Freddie or Freddy? 

To begin my investigation, I talked to ASB Publicity and Media Co-chair Sydney Walsh (‘24). As we lounge in the comfy LSLO chairs, she seems to be of the opinion that Freddie only attends select events because he smells so bad. In describing how her nose feels when in Freddie’s presence, she uses the word “uncomfortable”.

“It is very musty. It is what I imagine walking into a men’s locker room smells like after they just finished a very long football practice in their sweaty uniforms,” she says. “It smells like sweat and B.O. and like you needed deodorant but then decided not to go get some and decided to just YOLO it.”

Sydney desires a better outfit for Freddie, one that doesn’t smell as bad and has a little extra flair. “I think we need one that shows a little more school spirit, maybe a little red and blue.”

After my interview with Sydney, I was left perplexed, wondering how many people who have to deal with Freddie feel the same about his stank. I ask ASB Club Commissioner and occasional Freddie handler Grace MacDonald (‘23), who has plenty of experience dressing Freddie in his gameday attire.

“Sometimes it smells so bad that you have to hold your breath,” she laughs, probably a coping mechanism for the trauma of Freddie’s odor that I am forcing her to remember. She pounces when I ask her if we should get a new costume for Freddie. 

“Yes! Yes! Absolutely yes! Please, I’m begging!”

Finally returning to normal after two and a half years of Covid drama, our school spirit stinks, but not in the way you would think. Freddie the Falcon has a forever funk, and that means it won’t go away anytime soon, so it’s probably best if we buy him a new costume, one that’s comfortable, cool, and, most importantly, clean. 

In my quest for a new outfit for Freddie, I approach Assistant Dean of Student Life Mrs. Cecilia Powers, who possesses much decision-making sway in the matter. To my great delight, she drops a major bomb — she is considering replacing Freddie’s stinky garb. 

“I need to do some research, and I probably need to request a special line item in the budget, so I don’t know if it could happen this school year or not.” And honestly, I’m not expecting it to happen this year because it’s a pretty big deal. In preparation for my interview with Mrs. Powers, I performed a quick Google search that brought up some startlingly expensive results. Even the cheapest of feathery finery lands us in the mid-triple digits while the more likely options bring us all the way up to over $1000. 

Obviously, we would just be purchasing Freddie’s clothes. These lovely birds are just hot models.

Mrs. Powers echoes my surprise at the cost to outfit a falcon, and she assuages my fears that a cheap, fast fashion decision will be made. “It’s a big item, so we wouldn’t do it without studying.” In her research, she has come across a few nice features that would put Freddie more at ease in his new apparel. “Some costumes come with cooling packs and little internal fans,” she mentions, which I wonder if Freddie really needs. He’s a bird. 

Freddie and me at Holy Bowl. Look at how much he’s struggling!

However, as I dive deeper into the dilemma, I uncover a memory of how he was acting at Holy Bowl, wandering around all confused until someone told him there was a camera, and he’d put on a face. Was he smiling through the pain? Our falcon should be more real with us and if that means spending extra for his comfort, I’m all for it, as far as the budget allows.

Freddie is one complicated bird. Even as I close my interrogations, I still don’t know why he only attends a few events out of the year. 

Is he too cool for school? That’s not very spirited of him. 

Are his current clothes just that uncomfortable? Keep fighting Freddie — Pain is temporary, Brothers are forever. 

Or is he embarrassed of his funk? Because he shouldn’t be. We all have our moments, and we’re trying to help him through these onerous, odorous times. A good shower and some new garments will surely have him flying high again. 

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