A Girl’s Guide To Unproblematic Friendships

When was the last time you thought your friend group was about to explode? Hopefully not recently. But it’s high school — fights are inevitable and the best way to make it out alive is by forming solid friendships and making it work with the ones you have. 

But that’s easier said than done. Most likely the people you surround yourself with a few years ago are different from the friends you have now. And the larger your circle expands, the harder it is to maintain peace. Sometimes people grow apart or petty drama gets in the way. On top of that, when you start forming coed groups, things get a little more complicated. The question is: do girls maintain friendships better than guys?

For Maya Snyder (‘22), keeping her circle small and staying inclusive is the best solution to a happy friend group. “We try to hang out once a week or every other week. We ask around and then get dinner,” she explains. “We only add more people to plans… we don’t take anyone out.”

Purposely excluding certain people from hangouts is a surefire way to create tension — totally not cool! If you don’t want to spend time with everyone all at once or only go out with a few people, let the others know and communicate! It avoids a lot of FOMO and unnecessary drama.

Being in an all-girl friend group, Maya has seen some cattiness firsthand. But it’s not always like what we see in Mean Girls. Regardless of gender, we’re all still teenagers, but when it comes to the gals you’ve gotta stick together.

“You have to be careful about what you say because there is a stereotype that girls like to run their mouths and keep no secrets. It’s a personal thing, what you want to share,” Maya says. “We also don’t go out of our way to invite someone who doesn’t put in the effort.”

Effort is huge when it comes to making friends. Whether or not you think you’re pulling your weight, it’s up to both sides to communicate and maintain the friendship. Not only do you have to make good friends, you also have to be one! Regardless of whether you hang with girls, boys, or both, the good energy starts with you. 

“I was always making the group chats and hosting our hangouts,” says an anonymous CB girl. “I left those people and found better homegirls, where everyone took turns doing those things. It was awesome.” 

But what about the coed groups? Do girls really do it better? In my experience, mixed groups tend to be a bit more complex and harder to manage. I can’t speak for everyone, but having a large coed friend group takes effort and communication from everyone. 

However, the issue may be with the size of the group and not the people themselves. The truth is, it’s a lot harder to be equally close with all people in a group of ten versus a group of five. Sofia Antido (‘22) is a great advocate for keeping your circle small.

“I think having a big group makes some people feel left out. People might favor some friends and exclude others,” Sofia explains, “Small friend groups seem to look out for each other more, especially if they’re tight knit. Eventually it feels like family.”

Everyone is different. Some people may feel overwhelmed by larger groups and others could feel confined in smaller ones. But the truth is, it doesn’t really matter how many people are in your friend group or whether they’re all girls or not. The key to successful friendships is in each person’s maturity and willingness to maintain that friendship. If you take one thing away from this article, just remember that the most important part of making good friends is by being a good friend to begin with. Give the love you want to receive!