Let’s Dish: The Morally Gray Nature Of Gossip

Though you may not know it, someone knows something about you. Sounds dramatic and dystopian, but it’s true. Everywhere I look, almost every conversation includes some way of talking about someone else. Maybe it’s the people I surround myself with or maybe it really is just human nature. It feels like everybody knows a little snippet of somebody else.

Gossiping has become the new norm of talking to each other. Countless exchanges I’ve seen include “what’s the tea?” or “let’s dish” in hopes of confirming a thought or two under the guise of venting.

Malia Scullary (‘23) explains it simply as “an extension of small talk,” a sort of vocal journal about the day’s events. “If something interesting happens to you, you want to share it with somebody else,” she states. If you choose to share every little thing you recorded in a day and tell it to someone else, is that really even gossiping? Not exactly.

Society has a different idea of gossiping. “It’s been conceptualized [and] synonymous with bullying, and if you gossip about somebody, then you’re bullying them,” Malia explains. But most people don’t actually believe this, and if they do, they don’t care enough to stop. So if gossiping doesn’t equate bullying, does that mean it isn’t harmful? 

“I feel like sometimes people think gossiping is inherently negative and it’s really not” she observes. “It doesn’t have to be about anything bad specifically or anything scandalous, it’s just kind of fun.”

While we have ingrained in ourselves that gossiping is bad, Malia thinks “it’s unrealistic to expect that people are just never going to talk about something that happens.” But what happens when you share every thought and every experience you notice with your friend? It’s not venting or ranting anymore — it’s just kind of mean.

“Our lives are mundane and boring, so we’ll do anything to keep it interesting,” Georgie Hall (‘23) states. If you were to poll a room and ask if they all partake in gossip, it’s likely that not one hand would raise. Maybe there are some outliers that mess with the data, but overall, nobody wants to admit that they gossip because gossiping is inherently bad. So how do people still continue and appear that they are above it all? Because of the way the action is framed.

If you go to “vent” to a friend, all you’re doing is giving yourself a clear conscience. “We want some sort of justification for how we’re feeling, so we go to people who gossip so then we can be empowered by relatability,” Adam Moreno (‘23) says. We all want to be a good person, but there’s no hiding the fact that we’re all nosy. 

“When I can’t have a normal conversation with you without it being about people, then I don’t really want to talk to you” Talon podcaster Tanner Meade (‘23) says bluntly. “Do they expect me to give information about other people?” he says annoyed. 

It’s as if we don’t know how to talk to each other anymore. Quick side glances across the room cement some relationships and are used to further others. As awful as it sounds, some friendships form by way of gossiping. Even the quick “you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to” has some underlying purpose in it. If you choose to tell the person, better hope they won’t say anything. But if you don’t, the person asking suddenly isn’t part of the secret and now you’ve pushed away a friend.

If people say that they don’t actively participate in gossip, then they’re either lying or really are just a goody-goody. People don’t rise above all — they just ask someone else. I’m not saying you go and actively spread rumors about yourself or others, but how else do people know about you? Quick remarks and snide comments don’t necessarily make you a bad person because everyone speculates, but at the same time, do you have any genuine friends?

Gossiping is a form of currency, a bartering act that “vindicates” you while enhancing your reputation. “It’s almost like people in a dance circle,” Adam reflects. “There are very few people who want to be in the middle of it, but sometimes people end up shoving you in.”

Labels matter. And once you’re labeled, it’s hard to remove. We’re quick to form judgements about others based on what we’ve heard. And while that is somewhat feasible and understandable, it’s also incorrect. 

We all like to speculate and guess about other people’s lives because it’s fun. We form opinions about people we’ve never met because of gossip, but we learn how to stay away from people because of those said rumors. People talk and will always talk. Just because you speculate doesn’t make you a bad person — just don’t make it your defining characteristic. I’ve been hunting for an answer on whether or not gossiping is all bad or all good. Truth is, gossiping is morally gray and everyone has a different definition of the act. But it’s up to you to determine where you stand.